After a beautiful, meandering kōrero with Mike about his cultural reconnection journey, here are the top eleven lessons I’m gratefully taking away for mine.

To get (way) more insight, buy his new pukapuka, ‘Speaking My Language - Te Kōrero i Tōku Reo’.

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#1 Try your absolute best to keep some kind of formal learning going (but don’t be too hard on yourself if you can’t).

Mike: “I would have been in my forties when I did my first reo Māori lessons. It was Te Ataarangi method, so using the rākau. It's such a beautiful, tactile way of learning the language, and I loved it. I did that at Māori TV and it was so empowering, even just that first taste, you know, I could peel off a pēpha, do a greeting, I learned to waiata and karakia, and it just made me feel so much better—I had better pronunciation, all of those things.

And then for some reason there was no class next year. Given the progress I'd made and how much I got out of it, that should have been an indicator for me to push on and get into night classes, or whatever, but I didn't and I still look back at it now. It was another seven years before I'd have my next lesson and I just… that's a huge loss of time, you know? We're on this earth for a certain amount of time, and I just… yeah.

Though, I'm really careful with this when I'm talking to other people about their journeys now because, look, that happens. The kids are at a certain age, or there are difficulties at work, or other things get in the way of you continuing your journey. 

It doesn't really matter at the end of the day. When you can pick it up again—great. And it'll mean something different when you go back to it, as it did for me.”

#2  Do it for your whānau.

This is the part that made him cry.

Mike: “Doing the documentary and going back to my marae with my whānau, had, oh, God, now I feel really teary, it had a huge effect on my whānau. They were so disconnected. Some of them had never been to Pūtahi before and now it's their turangawaewae.

My own kids have been on their own journeys as well. My daughter's in the last year of a double degree in Māori Studies and Law at Auckland Uni now… and it just takes one… sometimes it just takes one, and the whānau to come on board to do that…”

He’s still crying and now I’m welling up too.

“Sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me. My daughter's just recently been taken on at Meredith Connell as a winter intern which is amazing. I’m so thrilled.

She rang me up and said, ‘Oh, Dad, they're doing a mihi whakatau for us. Would you come and speak for us?’ 

And I said, ‘Yeah. Yeah, I'll come and do that.’ 

I just would never have been able to do that before. Being able to do that for her, passing on these parts of connection, that just feels so huge.”

#3 It’s going to take many moments of courage.

Mike: “When I had the book launch here in Auckland a week or so ago, there was an array of people from the media. I was so blown away by the turnout and I had asked my daughter, Maya, to MC and she did such a beautiful job of it.

I messaged her the next day and I said we've just… on our journeys, we've pushed each other to have these… moments of courage; this book launch, my going back to speak on the marae, she did her first karanga at our marae, my son also went on a journey to get his tā moko…

And whether it's in a public way, like for me, or whether you're at home and working on your first whaikōrero, or your karakia, or mihi—it takes courage. It really does.

I’m hearing a lot of other people's journeys at the book signings and it’s just… ugh, it's just so amazing; the courage that people show every day and what’s happening out there because of it—those moments where you have to step up are hard but just so worth it.

#4 If you can send your kids to kōhanga reo/Māori immersion early childhood centres—do it.

Mike: “People of my generation would remember this, I used to get told constantly that there's no point in learning te reo Māori because no one else speaks it. But it's like, well, that's actually entirely the point!

And then when you do start to learn, the language is so tied to our whenua/land, our taiao/environment, our manu/birds, our awa/rivers and moana/oceans, and all of these natural phenomena. They’re kind of cornerstones of the language and all of it just starts making sense.

I didn't send my kids to kōhanga reo and I so regret it. God knows they remind me about it every chance they get. 

That belief that you can't teach a kid two languages because they'll fail at English—it's just not true.”

#5 Do all you can to find a connection with your marae—or a marae.

Mike: “One of the big things that comes with going back to your marae, like one of the greatest things for my whānau, was that we were able to actually BE in our pepeha—on our marae, under our maunga, in our awa—and we heard the stories of Tākitimu right there. 

It just makes such a difference now when you stand to say that pepeha and you feel like you really know it.

I know I'm lucky and privileged to be able to do that. There are so many people at a level of disconnection where they don't even know their iwi, or their hapū, or their marae, but just that they're Māori. That's such a tough journey. I know people like that.

I'm not even sure what the tikanga is around this but I think, like if you’re up here in Auckland you've got Hoani Waititi and there are so many other urban marae—so if you can't find your own, maybe look for another marae to get involved with that means something to where you are right now.”

Lesson #6 And just showing up for tangihanga probs isn’t the best route to do that 👆🏽properly.

Mike: “To properly connect with your marae, it can’t be tokenistic (which it probably is if you’re just doing it once a year).

And it’s important to understand we don't have ahikā/the people who keep the home fires burning just sitting around waiting for the moment we come back to school us up with mātauranga/knowledge.”

Mike chuckles

“Yeah, even with my own aunty, I've sometimes heard hōhā in her voice when I’ve been back talking with her because, you know, you’re asking a big thing.

Equally, don't wait for tangihanga. Get back there at a time when people are relaxed and not trying to perform a duty or if they have something coming up, say; well I'll help service that hui. That way, you're becoming a worker, so you're becoming valuable to them, and in time, those stories will flow. 

It's not about what you can get out of the experience. It's about what you can give back.”

Lesson #7 Non Māori partners, your gentle tautoko/support means the world.

Mike: “In many respects, when we were doing our lessons together my partner Heidi, who isn’t Māori, was better than I was. She's younger and smarter and she honestly just got it better.

It's that whole thing too—there's a lot of trauma Māori need to unpack as we're learning the language. It's not really a second language for us, it ties us to our identity so if we're struggling it raises all sorts of bad thoughts, you know? Unhelpful thoughts.

I think what Heidi's done well is she's learned alongside me in those early days but let me discover at my own pace, which was just encouraging.

It changed obviously when I went to Takiura [a full time reo Māori immersion school]. Boy, that was… we'd only been married four days before I started and she might as well have just left me at the gate and said, ‘I'll see you in a year.’ It was so full on.

It's hard as a partner of someone who's learning like that but she got Hemi Kelly's phrase book and would have it on the kitchen bench and as soon as I'd walk in the door she'd ask me a question in Māori or throw a phrase at me and we'd talk about it a bit, which was just amazing.

The biggest thing was honestly just to have her there with a hug and a kiss and that tautoku/support at the end of the night.”

Lesson #8 You WILL reach a point where you want to give up. Often.

Mike: “There were many, many times when I struggled. 

I was learning from 9 till 3 every day at Te Wānanga Takiura and then going straight to TV3 and swapping into English to read the 6 o'clock news.

I'd get home exhausted. I felt like I wasn't doing the same amount of work, or making the same amount of progress as the rest of my class but looking back, I was probably doing ok.

There just are times where you feel like you can't kind of… like you actually just haven't got it in you anymore, you know? That happens all the time. It’s part of it.”

Lesson #9 Find a way to get reo Māori into your everyday.

Mike: “If you think of anything that you've mastered, it's because you've made it a regular part of your life.

During that year of learning at Takiura, one of the biggest steps for me was this routine where I'd start the day with karakia Māori and then I’d go for a run and try to compose sentences from what I was seeing—even the most basic sentences.

I just really felt like I needed to get out and do something physical every day and so putting it all together made sure I was practising my reo Māori every day too. 

You have to do that. You have to actually prioritise it.”

Lesson #10 - Even people used to speaking on TV every night shake when they stand to speak in Māori. 

Mike: “I do a lot of speaking. Even though I call myself an introvert, I still like performing and it’s funny because when I started learning reo Māori I thought it would be great—once I learned the language, I could stand and perform and be waxing lyrical but… yeah, it's not like that. 

In fact, my daughter, Maya, laughs, well not laughs, but she often says she's never seen me more nervous than when I went to do that first whaikōrero at our marae. My whole body was shaking!

When I think of experience from my career to help… I think the breathing aspect is important and the connection thing. 

Doing karakia is such a great way to get that right wairua going. It’s almost like a form of meditation. I’ll often do quite a lyrical kind of tauparapara/incantation to begin a speech too, to find that sense of mauri tau or calmness. 

And look, it's a work in progress. I'm still trying to build things into my kōrero, particularly humor because I know once I master that, I'll be away. Building all that is the beauty of the process.

In the time being, as my aunty said to me when I did that first whaikōrero, ‘Just keep it short, nephew.’ Yeah, with those first ones don't try and do too much, just aim to do what you’ve got well.”

Lesson #11 - Haters gon’ hate

Mike: “If you feel like people are judging you on your journey or not accepting the changes that naturally come with it—and yeah it has happened to me—I just think, don't overthink these things. 

It is who you are now, so if there's an issue there, it's not your issue. 

If anything, I’ve found mostly people are pleased to see it. When I'm talking about te ao Māori, I'm either laughing or in tears. It’s obvious that it excites me and energizes me, and that this journey really has changed my life, so… basically they’d be a pretty shit friend if they didn't feel happy for me.

A friend of mine has a great saying, which I use a bit; ‘There are these people who are the guardians of the status quo. They just don't realise yet that the quo they are guarding no longer has status.’ 

I think that's awesome. Yeah, so don’t overthink it.

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There ya go e te whānau, Mike McRoberts is a new man. I’ve certainly taken loads from his shared learnings and I hope you have too. Chur Mike! 

For more insights, grab his new pukapuka, ‘Speaking My Language - Te Kōrero i Tōku Reo’.

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