‘Hononga’ - the answer to 99.9% of our problems
KŌRERO
🗣️ an excerpt from our pānui, July 4, 2025
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One of the newest books to make a splash on the Māori literary scene is ‘Hononga - a guide to a more connected, satisfying, and authentic life’.
Tracy Manu, the kaituhi/author (/life coach and wahine of Te Roroa and Ngāpuhi who grew up in Te Maire - near Dargaville - loves a bit of time in te taiao/nature and hanging with her Pā who still fishes the west coast with a net at 85) promises to help us foster confidence, build resilience, explore our identity, and connect with our values.
And she delivers e hoa mā.
Tracey came in for a cuppa and to share a taster of the pukapuka/book and I swear everyone will get something out of the kōrero that followed—especially if you’ve ever struggled with burnout, imposter syndrome, relationship issues, or fear.
Basically it’s a free therapy session (you’re welcome!).
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*Want your own copy of ‘Hononga’? Email us (kiaora@tearawhataaotearoa.com) with the kupu ‘More hononga please!’ and you’ll go in the draw for one of two pukapuka we have to give away. Otherwise, you can buy it and connect with Tracy here.
Tracy Manu, author of Hononga
“SO, Tracy, in your pukapuka you say we’re facing an ‘epidemic of disconnection’. Can you describe what that looks and feels like? Because I think I’ve kinda realised it accounts for 99.9% of all my problems in life.”
“When you start looking for it you see it everywhere.
We go out to dinner and look around and people are sitting with their partner or their loved ones and they're all on their phones.
I see it when people come to me wanting to achieve a goal but have all these beliefs in their heads pushing them away from it.
It’s in all the moments we’re not being aware of our feelings—when we’re staying grumpy with our partner and turning away instead of leaning in, when we’re people pleasing, being a perfectionist, not having boundaries…
There’s a kind of external disconnection—from our environment, from the people around us, and then there's internal disconnection—to who we truly are.
You also see it on a massive level like with what’s happening in Gaza. There are people that are connected and they want to make changes and they care and there are people who… their humanity doesn't seem to be there.
I think the world is a big example of what's going on within us and so I feel like the more connected we are to ourselves, the more we’re able to care about other people and about what's going on in the world.”
“Are we more disconnected than the generations before us? If so, why?”
“It feels like everything's speeding up. We're really busy and our past generations were busy too but one thing I find with my parents and aunties and uncles is that they remember a lot from their past and I wonder if that’s because they were more present, whereas we have so much on the go, we’re distracted—always thinking about all sorts of things and I quite often hear people go, ‘I can't even remember what I did yesterday.’ There's just this constant rushing.
I do think that we’re becoming more disconnected but we're also becoming aware that we're disconnected and we're making changes which I think is really, really cool.”
“Yeah, cos you talk about the impacts of all that disconnection: break ups, feeling isolated at work, conflicts, confidence issues, getting stuck on a path you never wanted... I mean, the list goes on—and is quite depressing. Let’s start talking solutions?”
“Yeah, let’s.”
“Your whole approach is informed by a Māori perspective and by mātauranga Māori. How do you think that, in particular, can help with disconnection?”
“I think a Māori perspective, like, probably all Indigenous cultures, has this really holistic way of supporting wellbeing.
You can't just do one thing and fix things.
It's about getting out in nature, taking care of your tinana, listening to your intuition. It's noticing tohu/signs—what they’re saying and whether you're on the right track. We have rhythms just like te taiao/the environment and the marama/moon and it’s connecting in with these.
It’s like a korowai wrapped around you, nurturing you.”
“And what about for our Pākehā and Tauiwi mates? Is this approach open to them and something they’ll find helpful too?”
“I’ve coached many Pākeha and Tauiwi clients. I absolutely think it is.”
“Rawe! In ‘Hononga’ you offer comprehensive solutions to many of life’s challenges. I was wondering if, today, you could give us one piece of advice to get started on a few issues that stood out to me?”
“Of course!”
“OK, so number one: burn out.
It’s mid-year, cold, a bit bleak, we’re supposed to be feeling refreshed from Matariki but actually we’re just still drowning in a sea of overcommitment. What do we do!?”
“I do see a lot of women who are burnt out and I love that you’re taking a week off.”
(I HAD planned a week off and was talking about it with Tracy but, spoiler alert, I ended up getting vertigo after a few days and adventures in Northland turned into sitting very still and upright in bed. Still, it counts as rest I guess).
“I think time off is so good for us but I know not everyone can do that so when people tell me they have no time, the answer is actually in the tiniest simple rituals.
One that I get people to do when they wake in the morning is to put one hand on their puku/stomach and take three slow deep breaths.
That seems so simple but it's all about giving yourself that moment before you give to anybody else.
So; slow breaths, thinking about a couple of things you’re grateful for, setting an intention—to be present or, breathe, or just something you can check in on during the day—and later on coming back to that three breaths and checking in to see if you’re still aligned with that intention.”
“And if we've lost it and are just full-stressed again? What can we do to bring ourselves back?”
“If you can get outside that’s great—and it doesn't need to be a big walk.
After this book launch we had a passing away and I was sending books and heading down to the Bay of Plenty just rushing around and I could feel the adrenaline.
We had to stop and drop something off to someone on the way and I got out of the car and I just looked up and the moon and the stars were shining and I almost wanted to cry because it was like—oh, I forgot, you know, I forgot that I can just stop and breathe and take in nature for a moment. It just calms me.
So, yeah, it's those tiny little rituals and moments that can consistently make a big difference when we’re feeling really busy and overwhelmed.”
“Thank you! Ok, next big kaupapa, we’ve all been there, how do we handle disconnection from a romantic partner?”
“One idea is to go back and look at photos of when you were in a really good space.”
“Interesting…”
“Yeah. Because we forget that. We forget those times and we focus on what's not working rather than the good times.
I remember doing this with my husband, Andy, when we were going through a really tough time. I dug up some photos and I did a gratitude practice.
The first day I think I found one thing because we were so disconnected. Seriously—one thing.
The second day I found two things to be grateful for and then it started to build and after a while it was like, ‘God, I love this guy.’
I also use the ‘lean in’ thing a lot.
When we feel disconnected we can pull away and just increase that distance.
But more often than not that disconnection stems from something we’re feeling within ourselves and we've gotta actually find out what that is, face it, and then lean into the relationship instead.
So when we get into bed and we're grumpy and we go to turn away, try turning toward them instead and just saying, ‘I feel disconnected but I really want to be connected with you,’ and lean in and ask for what you want.
That can be hard because it’s being vulnerable but vulnerability can bring so much connection.”
“The oldddd roll away in bed never feels good eh? Challenging but good advice there thanks Tracy. Next on the list: impostor syndrome. Help? Please?”
“I reckon affirmations work.
I would always use affirmations when I was heading to my reo Māori noho (weekend stays in Māori language courses).
I would just be driving there, telling myself I was gonna be okay—that was a confidence thing.
I remember my kaiako saying, ‘You don't have to get it all right, you just have to try because we'll understand what you're saying. You have to be confident more than you have to know how to korero properly,’ and that was massive and something that I still struggle with.
But yeah, affirmations definitely. I really believe in affirmations in the mirror, saying those things you really need to hear to yourself and then connecting that up with actions, so, if you're saying to yourself, ‘I choose to be confident’ or ‘I am confident’, then how do you show up that way?”
“I liked how in the book when you're talking about affirmations you give options as well because I think sometimes the piece that's missing is that you need to actually believe an affirmation to some degree in order for it to work, nē?”
“Totally. When I first started saying affirmations it was too hard to say good things about myself so I would just say, ‘I'm willing to love and approve of myself,’, ‘I'm willing to accept myself,’ and slowly you start to believe that.
Also—as powerful as affirmations are—if you're not acknowledging what’s going on underneath, for instance the reasons you're really scared of turning up at noho, it just sits there and will burst out (often in a way that feels so out of proportion) so you’ve got to do that work too.”
“Maybe this next one is related. Lastly I want to talk about fear”
“Quite often with fear we try to push it down and pretend we're not feeling it.
If you don’t acknowledge what’s there, the emotions are going to bubble up. They might keep you awake at night or show up as tension in your tinana/body. My whakaaro/thought is: why don't we make friends with fear instead?
Some people say fear is ego, some people say it's your inner child and so I kind of see it as something to be soothed and calmed. I feel like that, for me, helps. What you resist persists.”
“Often kōrero around fear relate to emotional things but do you think your approach helps for physically based fears as well? Basically I’m asking if you can help me to become a better surfer and mountain biker….”
“Yeah, it does! When I first started learning to surf it was a really stormy day on the east coast and there were big waves and I remember catching this really good wave and then jumping off because I was so scared I was gonna hurt myself.
My friend who was there and has surfed for a long time was like, ‘You just need to get out there and just do it.’
And so I had to really talk myself into it, saying ‘You're gonna be okay. It's alright,’ but it's scary, you know, and especially in those situations where you're not in control. You really have to let go and be brave but I think encouraging yourself in those times and acknowledging that you're afraid can definitely help.”
“It’s so true that bottling makes it worse! Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom with us Tracy. Is there anything else you think our readers should know?”
“Just that whatever we're going through, we're not alone. You know? Like, so many people feel what we feel and I think knowing we're not alone is a nice feeling.”
“Is that true Tracy cos sometimes it REALLY feels like you’re the only one.”
“I promise you it is and so don't be afraid to be vulnerable and ask for what you want and, yeah, to allow more hononga/connection into your life—with yourself and with others—because I reckon that's where the magic is, you know, that's where the healing is.”
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Loved Tracey’s kōrero and want to read Hononga? Email us (kiaora@tearawhataaotearoa.com) with the kupu ‘More hononga please!’ and you’ll go in the draw for one of two pukapuka we have to give away. Otherwise, you can buy it and connect with Tracy here.